More than Just Nation and Character Building
January 12th, 2013 at 6:20 am
Posted by Mohammad Adib in ETHICS, WISDOMS

http://keluargasakinah.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/perkawinan.jpgDan diantara tanda-tanda kekuasaanNya ialah diciptakanNya untukmu pasangan hidup dari jenismu sendiri supaya kamu mendapat ketenangan hati dan dijadikanNya kasih sayang diantara kamu. Sesungguhnya yang demikian menjadi tanda-tanda kebesaranNya bagi orang-orang yang berfikir (QS. Ar-Rum:21).

Semoga Allah memberkahi dan selalu melimpahkan berkah atasmu. Semoga Allah menyatukan kalian dalam kebajikan (Do’a Menghadiri Pernikahan).

Perkawinan merupakan bagian penting yang memperoleh perhatian publik. Sebegitu pentingnya perhatian itu sehinga Tuhan menyampaikan firmanNya, sebagaimana dapat kita baca pada antara lain pada QS. Ar-Rum ayat 21 di atas. Sering kita jumpai kehadiran segenap Sanak Keluarga (handai tolan) yang berasal dari tempat tinggal yang jauh sampai melampau batas kota/kabupaten, bahkan lintas provinsi, pulau, juga Negara lain.

Mengapa kesemua itu dilakukan? Sebagai bagian dari mahluk sosial-budaya, fenomena perkawinan telah memperoleh perhatian dari para ahli. Berikut ini penjelasan yang dikemukakan oleh para ahli tentang konsep perkawinan serta keharusan memelihara dan mengembangkan lembaga perkawinan untuk kehidupan kemanusiaan yang lebih baik. Pada bagian berikut ini diuraikan pandangan para ahli tentang: (i) konsep perkawinan, (ii) perkawinan merupakan bagian ritus terpenting dalam daur hidup manusia; (iii). Fungsi perkawinan; (iv) jenis perkawinan; dan (v) syarat perkawinan.

Pertama, konsep perkawinan. Menurut Koentjaraningrat, 1985, perkawinan merupakan salah satu tahap yang terpenting dalam sepanjang siklus kehidupan manusia yang disebut dengan stage a long the life cycle. Tahap-tahap yang ada disepanjang hidup manusia tersebut adalah seperti masa bayi, masa penyapihan, masa anak-anak, masa remaja, masa pubertas, masa sesudah menikah, masa tua dan sebagainya.

Salah satu tahap tersebut secara tidak langsung akan merubah prilaku seseorang/manusia itu sendiri, hal itu dapat dilihat pada saat seseorang/manusia itu berada dalam sebuah ikatan perkawinan yang sah. Oleh sebab itu perkawinan adalah salah satu tahap yang sangat terpenting di dalam siklus kehidupan manusia, dimana perkawinan menjadi alat suatu kelompok masyarakat untuk melanjutkan keberlangsungan kelompoknya.

Menurut Haviland, 1985, perkawinan dapat didefinisikan sebagai suatu transaksi & kontrak yang sah dan resmi antara seorang wanita dan seorang pria yang mengukuhkan hak mereka yang tetap berhubungan seks satu sama lain, dan yang menegaskan bahwa si wanita yang bersangkutan sudah memenuhi syarat untuk melahirkan anak.

Kedua, perkawinan dianggap sebagai ritus terpenting dalam siklus hidup manusia. Siklus hidup manusia berawal dari bayi, balita, anak-anak, remaja, dewasa, orang tua sampai tua renta. Bila kita sudah menginjak masa dewasa menuju ke masa orang tua, hal yang harus kita lakukan untuk melanjutkan siklus hidup yaitu kawin. Perkawinan memang ritus terpenting. Bila tidak kawin, dari mana kita akan mempunyai keturunan dan bagaimana kita akan melanjutkan siklus kehidupan.

Ketiga, fungsi perkawinan. Sebagai sarana legalisasi hubungan seksual antara pria dengan wanita dipandang dari sudut adat dan agama serta undang-undang negara. Penentuan hak dan kewajiban serta perlindungan atas suami istri dan anak-anak. Memenuhi kebutuhan manusia akan teman hidup status sosial dan terutama untuk memperoleh ketentraman batin. Memelihara kelangsungan hidup “kekerabatan” dan menghindari kepunahan.

Keempat, jenis perkawinan dipilahkan dalam bentuk perkawinan menurut: (i) Jumlah Istri / Suami; (ii). Menurut Asal Isteri / Suami; (iii) Hubungan Kekerabatan Persepupuan; (iv). Pembayaran Mas Kawin / Mahar.

Bentuk Perkawinan Menurut Jumlah Istri/Suami adalah (i) Monogami : bentuk perkawinan / pernikahan di mana si suami tidak menikah dengan perempuan lain dan si isteri tidak menikah dengan lelaki lain. Jadi singkatnya monogami merupakan nikah antara seorang laki dengan seorang wanita tanpa ada ikatan penikahan lain. (ii) Poligami : bentuk perkawinan di mana seorang pria menikahi beberapa wanita atau seorang perempuan menikah dengan beberapa laki-laki. Adapun poligami dipilahkan menjadi dua jenis : (a). Poligini : Satu orang laki-laki memiliki banyak isteri. Disebut poligini sororat jika istrinya kakak beradik kandung dan disebut non-sororat jika para istri bukan kakak adik. Dan (b). Poliandri : Satu orang perempuan memiliki banyak suami. Disebut poliandri fraternal jika si suami beradik kakak dan disebut non-fraternal bila suami-suami tidak ada hubungan kakak adik kandung.

Bentuk Perkawinan Menurut Asal Isteri / Suami adalah (i) Endogami : suatu perkawinan antara etnis, klan, suku, kekerabatan dalam lingkungan yang sama. (ii) Eksogami, suatu perkawinan antara etnis, klan, suku, kekerabatan dalam lingkungan yang berbeda.

Eksogami dapat dibagi menjadi dua macam, yakni : (a). Eksogami connobium asymetris terjadi bila dua atau lebih lingkungan bertindak sebagai pemberi atau penerima gadis seperti pada perkawinan suku batak dan ambon. Dan (b). Eksogami connobium symetris apabila pada dua atau lebih lingkungan saling tukar-menukar jodoh bagi para pemuda.

Bentuk Perkawinan Menurut Hubungan Kekerabatan Persepupuan adalah (1). Cross Cousin : bentuk perkawinan anak-anak dari kakak beradik yang berbeda jenis kelamin. (ii) 2. Parallel Cousin bentuk perkawinan anak-anak dari kakak beradik yang sama jenis kelaminnya.

Bentuk Perkawinan Menurut Pembayaran Mas Kawin/Mahar. Mas kawin adalah suatu tanda kesungguhan hati sebagai ganti rugi atau uang pembeli yang diberikan kepada orang tua si pria atau si wanita sebagai ganti rugi atas jasa membesarkan anaknya. Jenis Mahar/Mas Kawin berupa Barang Berharga, Uang, Hewan/Binatang Ternak, seperangkat alat ibadah dan lain-lain.

Kelima, Syarat untuk kawin yang utama adalah kedua calon mempelai, wali dari kedua calon, mahar/Mas kawin, ijab-kobul, (dan diumumkan ke masyarakat). Dalam adat jawa, persyaratan untuk kawin yaitu Lamaran, Persiapan Pernikahan, Pemasangan Dekorasi, Siraman, Upacara Midodareni, Srah Srahan, Upacara Ijab Kabul, Upacara Panggih, Upacara Balangan Suruh, Upacara Wiji Dadi, Upacara Tukar Cincin, Upacara Dahar Kembul, Upacara Sungkeman, Pesta Pernikahan.

Di dalam perkawinan juga sering dijumpai perceraian. Sehingga di Kantor Urusan Agama (KUA) kita kenal konsep dan data tentang NTCR (Nikah, Talak, Cerai, dan Rujuk). Adapun faktor penyebab perceraian  antara lain (i) Perbedaan prinsip: Alasan perbedaan prinsip sering digunakan oleh para pasangan ketika bercerai. Masalah prinsip ini biasanya berkaitan dengan agama, karir, anak, dan perbedaan lainnya; (ii) Kekerasan :Masalah kekerasan dalam rumah tangga juga menjadi salah satu penyebab pasangan bercerai. Kekerasan fisik merupakan faktor utama kenapa istri atau suami menggugat cerai pasangannya; (iii) Perselingkuhan : Siapa yang tahan hidup dimadu? Apalagi kalau perselingkuhan itu sudah menyangkut aktivitas seksual. Alasan ini pun sering dipakai untuk menceraikan pasangan; (iv) Keuangan : Uang memang tidak bisa membeli kebahagiaan. Tetapi kalau tak ada uang, seseorang bisa lari dari pasangannya. Masalah finansial ini tak jarang ditemukan sebagai pemicu perceraian; (v) Komunikasi : Apa artinya hidup bersama jika tak pernah berkomunikasi? Terutama jika salah satu pasangan tinggal jauh dari rumah karena alasan pekerjaan. Buruknya komunikasi pun bisa membuat sebuah rumah tangga jadi hancur; (vi) Seks : Seks jelas penting dalam kehidupan pernikahan. Tanpa seks, semuanya akan terasa hambar. Ketidakcocokan dalam hubungan seks sering menjadi pendorong terjadinya perceraian.***


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